![]() ![]() ![]() When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic.I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm. They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.Why was the leper hockey game cancelled? There was a face-off in the corner.Only for 20 seconds though, and only once. Man: “I work in the butcher shop up the street.” I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer’s funeral?.I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support. ![]() My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”ĭoctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.” My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funeralsĭoctor: “Your test results are back, and you have only two days to live.”.Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear.She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?” My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.“We just tell them they’re going to die.” When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.Patient: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”.What’s the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?.Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my brother.Siri “Why am I still single?” * Siri activates front camera. ![]()
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